I haven’t written much lately; I’ve been very blocked and it’s my own fault. At least that’s what it comes down to. I don’t know what to write. I’m at the point in both of my stories that I don’t know enough about the story to write it, but I’ve come up with enough that I can’t just write anything and start from scratch because they are already stories and I need to stay, at least somewhat, true to the story that is and wants to be. At the same time, I’ve got all the advice and suggestions from my advisor this past semester rolling around in my head and I don’t know how to apply it to my writing and every time I start in one direction, I remember something he said that makes my thought not work and so I give it up. My absolute surety that I’m a crappy writer and just can’t possibly measure up to my idols is keeping me blocked and keeping me from even trying. So, I’m very blocked and the most likely reason is that I’m thinking too much and writing too little and everything else is just excuses.
But I still have my excuses and I don’t even want to write. I’m questioning more and more that I can even be a decent writer and my decision to pursue that, even if I haven’t got any other directions worth going. I don’t want to write, but I need to write as much as I can before the next semester starts in 3 weeks because shortly after that, I’m going to have to make a decision and I don’t know either of my stories well enough to choose one to work on for the rest of my degree.
But I don’t want to write. And the stories don’t want to be written.